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Before Embarking on a New Relationship

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It is quite common for people to feel that the best way to get over the break up of a relationship is to, jump straight into a new one. And for some this is their normal strategy and for a while it works. You only need to pick a magazine or a tabloid newspaper to notice that partners are changed quicker than some people change their clothes.

The thing is, does this make you happy or does it just satisfy certain needs?

If this strategy works for you and you are happy, great no need to read on, may you continue to be happy and go and get on with your life. On the other hand if you are one of those people that I tend to meet in my practice read on for some tips to help you make even better choices.

Relationships that have ended over time or abruptly, generally leave some debris  and emotional baggage. It is really important for you to  successfully resolve  this baggage and not bury it in what I refer to as the ‘rucksack of life’ before you embark on a new relationship. Otherwise you are in danger of transporting your emotional rucksack into your new relationship. 

This may not be obvious at the beginning of the relationship because it is new and exciting. The thing is over time it is quite normal and healthy to become aware of differences that may exist between you and to experience some disagreements in a growing and developing relationship. 

However if you have not resolved the emotional baggage from a past relationship that you stored in your rucksack it will worm its way out of the rucksack to come out and play. It acts as fuel to the issues  you are experiencing in you new relationship which then escalates to a higher level than needs be. This results in your baggage supporting a self-fulfilling prophecy in  perhaps your thinking that all men are blah and all women are the other. 

There is a cliché I have come across many a time which goes something like this your ex is your ex for a reason. With this in mind, things you might want to consider before embarking on a new relationship;

      • By all means talk to friends but remember their baggage is not your baggage so don’t take on their thoughts of what a relationship should be, after all what makes one relationship tick would stop another in it’s tracks
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      • Take time to reflect on the relationship that has come to an end 
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      • What was good?
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      • What was not good?
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      • What did you do?
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      • What would you do differently?
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      • What do you want instead?

If needed be open to seeking help and support to aid your clarity of what is important for you.

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